Finding X

"Religion is for people who are afraid they'll go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there."-Unknown

I was never a particularly religious person. I was always under the impression that if indeed there was a God, that he wouldn't have let me suffer like I had, was or continued to. I suppose, in one regard, it made me strong. I didn't have religion to find or to fall back on. I had to grab my own bootstraps per say.

But then, on the other hand, death (pardon my french) scares me shitless. No question about it. So I became (for a short while) Agnostic, later graduating to liberal christian. I never really made up my mind on what, if any religion I was. I never had the luxury of being able to think logically at the time when religion would have helped me most.

But, up until today in fact, I had smooshed religion and spirituality into the same category of 'Things That I Don't Want To Deal With Right Now'. But as it turns out they're two different things.

The dictionary on my fossil of a mac defines spirituality as "of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things". Does this mean a Deity? Or does it simply refer to 'X'. Some unknown, undefined non-secular something.

The presence of spirituality, in any life is certainly on a whole, beneficial. But spirituality is a concept involving the higher consciousness, and it is not a subject that one can think about for five minutes and then make a decision.

I wish I hadn't been so ignorant, for a while, I blatantly dismissed religion. I wish I had come to recognize the power of simply believing. Albeit I had to almost con myself into that idea that there was something out there...it was incredibly beneficial. I can't say that had I had religion all along things would not have gone haywire like they did...but I think they would have healed faster. Like putting Neosporin on cuts.

"Spirituality exists wherever we struggle with the issue of how our lives fit into the greater cosmic scheme of things. This is true even when our questions never give way to specific answers or give rise to specific practices such as prayer or meditation. We encounter spiritual issues every time we wonder where the universe comes from, why we are here, or what happens when we die. We also become spiritual when we become moved by values such as beauty, love, or creativity that seem to reveal a meaning or power beyond our visible world. An idea or practice is "spiritual" when it reveals our personal desire to establish a felt-relationship with the deepest meanings or powers governing life." -Robert C. Fuller.

So have I found religion? No. But I see spirituality on the horizon. It will, as will everything on this road be a struggle to reach, grab and comprehend. But it will be a small step, small but necessary. Because, as redundant as it may sound, without something we have nothing.