I can't do it.

I can't  do it. The bathing suit thing, I mean, not life. I'm too, of jeez, I don't know...self-concious? I know that the crowd I'll be pool-ing with is probably the least judgemental and most friendly ever. But still, I can't.

I don't feel like making myself do that today. School starts tomorrow, so I have that going on. I already have neough stress zits (well, three, but still). This whole bikini thing wouldn't be a good idea.

My  parents are disapointed in me. Dad keeps trying to get me to "just bring a swimsuit. Just in case." No means no. Plus, I took an extra long time to straighten my hair; and I feel really good about it. So no need to destroy a positive thing with a negative one.

Straightening my hair has always been an instant feelgood for me. And its also healthy in that I don't obsess over it to the point where I'm late for school or spending hours in the bathroom and frying my hair alive. My hair is increddibly sumbissive; I have to do something with it or else it goes into this weird state of Sweden. Not straight, nor curly or wavy; but a hybrid of all 3. Not frizzy, yet not quite sleek either. In my opinion it looks like the hair of a 70+ jewish lady. All weird and damaged and blown out...blah.

Another good instant feelgood is just a quick swipe with the mascara wand. It takes two seconds yet the psychological effect is astounding. Its kinda like botox for your brain; instant uplift.

So while I failed at the bikini, this gathering allows me to explore and be a part of a television program on kids "on the spectrum" i.e. diagnosed with Aspergers/NVLD. I was asked some questions by a Mom who has a son who I am kind of sclose to at school and it turns out she's working along side a TV station for this project. And apparently my answers to the questions were rather moving because I've been asked to be on the child advisory comittee.

But I did take 1 risk, albeit small, I'm wearing my size 9 acid wash skinny jeans. More cloth, same body issues.