Suffering Pt. I

Buhdda had it right: life is suffering.

But why suffer alone? It doesn't make it easier; it makes it downright harder. Having myself, gone at it both alone, with a well oiled support structure and with a crappy support structure I can say for sure that the well oiled support structure is your best bet. Your second best would be going it alone, and your least helpful option would be the crappy support system.

For me, I tried to go it alone and then I met Colin. Colin was my crappy support structure, and after him I was wary of trying to find another one. And when I did end up finding my well oiled support structure, it was only because my parents got smart to what was going on. Now, I know that not everyone has as good  a relationship with their parents as I do my own...so where do you turn? What do you do?

For me, it was hurting myself...but in the case of substance abuse I've heard of the most succsess (archaic though it may be), coming from the cold turkey, handcuff and radiator method. Which is exactly what it sounds like: you are handcuffed to a radiator and detox. Usually there are some buckets involved: one filled with water, the other filled with stale french bread (to encourage even more drinking) and one empty in case you get the pukes.

This method is usually done with a friend. My "friend", lets call her Jessie had her 22 year old boyfriend rent a cheap apartment for one month, in which time she stayed in all day and simply was. We all took turns when we could, keeping her company. She is 2 years sober.

But thats not for everyone, for that you have to be a fighter. I still think, as much as I hate to involve people who don't know what the shit they're talking about in my own personal matters...that rehab clinics work. They're the swift kick in the posterior that some people just need.

But let's say your problem isn't substance abuse...lets say you're cutting, or hitting. Those are harder, self-harm is often best dealt with not by quiting cold turkey (CT never works with this kind of stuff and failure only instills deeper self-loathing which only leads to more cutting) but by finding purpose. For me, that was writing and running. Writing (or blogging) got it out of my sytem and on paper so I could organize and anylize my thoughts. And running left me so physically drained I just slept the rest of the day away (I reccomend taking one BIG nap at least once a week).

So find something you love, take a photography class, blog, get a job...anything that happens consistently and where you have to exert minimal effort to make it happen will work.

You can always use one suggestion for a different problem...they'll all work with pretty much anything. However, the one thing your succsess hinges on is your ability to admit to your flaw. You cannot tell yourself you need to quit if you don't think you've got anything to quit, redundant though it may seem.

This is just the first in what I hope is a many post series about finding and keeping a (good) support structure.